E...Em..Emo..Emotions...

Reflections

Two years ago my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a form of blood cancer. From the experiences of my mom I learnt that all she wants during the treatment phase is kind gestures from her friends and family. She is never praying for a longer life but wished that her and her extended family would check on her almost every day over the phone which would give her a feeling of being wanted by everyone and realizing that people cared for her existence. 

 

After becoming aware of her illness, my father was just surviving with the least amount of life in him as she was his motivation, inspiration, well wisher and his strength. It was like the roots of a tree being churned out of the soil, the tree will not have the strength to support itself without the roots. My father had a good job and a reputation with good earnings. He is the Special Government Pleader for the High Court of Kerala. I too supported the expenses and emotions of both of them as much as I could. Since we were continents apart, I failed to support them physically. 

When I first heard the news that cancer has attacked my mom, I reached out to a few of my close friends whom I thought were close enough not only in good times but also in adversities. One of them responded to me that she would support me in any form but not with money though I never expressed any request of such type. Another friend refused to go check on my mom at home telling me that she couldn't face my ill mom as it is not the image my friend had in her mind about my mom. A close cousin of mine told me when I shared my sadness with her that I am talking and overthinking out of my hormones rising during pregnancy and that everything will settle after delivery. I couldn't make sense of my long taken decision that they are my close friends and family. I was only requesting consolation, acceptance, a hug and some kind words “this too shall pass, hang in there”, “don't worry, you are not alone”. Some of my friends and family never talked to me about the situations on how I am handling it and how I emotionally manage it thinking that it would remind me of the situation. Remember friends, the issue is embedded in me, the sweet talks and jokes are never going to get that out of my mind or make me feel better. I am not going to forget it even for a second as I constantly hear my mom’s voice that is in pain from medications, voice of the hope that she would get a home cooked meal from a loved family member, a voice that keeps asking when she will see her new-born grandchild, and a worry about what would happen to my father if she has to part with us. 

The only prayer that became deep in me was to be able to hear my mom’s voice and even better if she picks up the phone by herself and gives me a firm “hello”. That's when I realized that's all we need to expect from parents at my age, their good health and a firm wish in the morning. That is my promise for the rest of the day that her energy will take me through the day. There have been times when I never heard her on the phone for days but with my father holding his shivering voice making me feel she is doing fine.

For the people who do not have siblings, please understand you are their strength, you can uplift their spirits and they value you as close as being born to the same mother.